Always Used for My Good…

I haven’t been here for a while. So many things seem to get in the way of writing. While I was studying yesterday I realized that I am once again allowing life to get in the way of what I need to do.
When I look back over this past year, I see so many prayers that answered in my life. We closed the shop, but I can now see that it is an answer to many prayers over the past couple of years. We are still paying for the building and still dealing with the taxes, but I know that God has taken that burden from me. I know He will take care of the rest of it. He hasn’t made life perfect or even very easy, but He shows that He is with us every step along the way. Since shutting down the company less than a year ago, Terry stepped back into his old job and they allow me to travel with him. We have sold two houses that would have made it impossible to keep the bills paid if we had not. We still have one more to sell and the building that we pray to sell. But God is keeping the bills paid as we learn more and more patience.
Most recently we were hit with a tornado. It seems that nothing good could come from that… but it has. Through the insurance that we are getting from it, we have been able to roof our house and put in new windows. We are probably going able to siding the house also. Our roof had 20 year shingles and were in their 26th year, our windows leak air so badly that air blows the curtains through the closed windows. There is no way that we could have done these at this time without the disaster of the tornado damaging our home.
If we look back at any one of the things that have happened over the past years it would be easy to focus on the problems. Even now while we pay for a building that will be difficult if not impossible to sale, we could focus on the problem… and sometimes we do. But, I have seen God turn too many things in my life around and use for my good to stay in that mindset very long. Gen. 50:20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. So many times I have seen this in my life. God turned everything anyone meant to harm me with and turned it for good. I don’t believe the often repeated phrases that people seem to think are biblical… “everything happens for a reason…” and “God won’t let us go through more than we can handle…” Neither of these have I found any evidence of in the Bible. Romans tells me that God will use everything for my good, but not that He plans out everything that happens for a reason. When we live in an imperfect world, bad things just happen. But God has promised that He will use it all for my good eventually, and I have experienced it over and over. Romans 8:28 NLT And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. I have that promise and God has never backed down on it yet. Many times I get afraid and can’t see the eventual outcome, but God is always there to turn things in the end. First I have to let go and turn it all over to Him; as soon as I let go of the fear and accept His peace in the situation, God begins to change things and I get the opportunity to stand back and watch in awe as He works it all for my good.
I also don’t find it to be true that God won’t allow things to come to us that are more than we can bear. What the Bible actually says is that God will not allow us any temptation more than we can bear. 1 Cor. 10:13 NLT But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it. It is my experience that God consistently puts more on us than we can bear… alone. He wants us to turn to Him. He wants us to understand our need for Him in all situations. If I could bear all that God allows to come my way on my own, I would never know the peace that I know because God has continually carried me when the burdens were too heavy.
The tornado that hit our home recently is an analogy to what has happened in my life for the last 7-8 years. The world provides devastation, tragedy or pain. Gradually as I turn things over to God and lean on Him for peace, He steps in and turns it all around for my good. It seems that we are never handed things easily. I could argue to God that there would be much simpler ways of providing what we need than through a tornado… but God’s ways are higher than my ways. If God gave me everything in an easy and simple way there would be no growth and peace to come with it. The peace in difficult times, the joy at knowing that God will always take care of me is worth more by far than the things that God has provided. Even knowing all that, if I could choose in any one of the situations I have been in over the past years, I know that in the midst of it, I would choose the easier route and miss the blessing, the peace and the growth. That is why God is God and my life it His to direct.

What now? What next?

What now? What next? So many times over the last few years I have asked that question. It never seems to be one that God wants to answer ahead for me. We are out of orders at the shop. We have 3 houses for sale because we felt that God was leading us to sale them rather than rent them. We have fixed them up and now they are sitting….. We had one under contract so we were hoping that it would be closing in a few weeks. Well, yesterday the buyer backed out… no answers. It all seems to be piling in at one time and again we are looking at each other saying… what now? What next?

I still don’t know, but I know that God is in control and I will hold to that. Yesterday after we found out that the house sale fell through, I went into my office and opened up my Emails. The devotional for the 30th, from Proverbs 31 Woman was on this verse from Joshua…”Then you will know which way to go, since you have never been this way before.” Joshua 3:4a (NIV) The devotion titled “Fearing The Unknown”. From the text…”Joshua’s life was unpredictable and full of unknowns much like yours and mine. Yet, he successfully resisted fear by keeping his focus on God and not the events surrounding him. Just as God guided the Israelites through unknown territory, He will guide you and me, too. As He promises in Isaiah 43, when we come to a place we’ve never passed through before, God is always present to help us. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior” (v.2-3a, NIV).”

It was as if God was saying once again, “I won’t tell you what is next… but I will tell you again, as I have many times before…. I have this! I am in control! Your circumstances, while they may seem urgent and insurmountable to you are of no surprise to Me! I have allowed this to come to you and I will see you through it.” I knew that the devotion was for me and meant to calm my fears. I know that God is in control and I know that he will work things for my good in the end. But my human side still says, “But what pain will I have to go through on this journey?” I am comforted, but still afraid. I know that I am not entirely settled since I went through another sleepless night last night and my Father knows my heart.

I woke up this morning dreading the day ahead. As I came into the office I turned on my computer, I went straight to my email… deep down I know that I am looking for another word from God to give me further assurance. As I click on the Proverbs 31 Woman email for today, the 31st… I once again see the title… “Fearing the Unknown.” Is it a part 2?… as I look on it I see that it isn’t; it is the same email from yesterday. It is dated today and I have a copy of the one that came yesterday in my file. The same email sent twice…. The same assurances… repeated to me…. Human error? Maybe… The hand of God… definitely! However it happened, God is repeating to me. “I have this… you continue to follow, and I will continue to lead. Don’t look to either side, just walk straight ahead and keep your eyes on me as the Israelites kept their eyes on the ark. I will lead you through because you have never gone this way before….. We are without resources… we are without a plan… we don’t know what to do next…. but I know who to follow…. Lead on Father….

He Speaks Peace

Driving to work this morning I was praying for peace….simple peace. I couldn’t put into words a longer prayer because my mind and heart were so uneasy.
So much has been happening at once that I am feeling completely overwhelmed. It is the always difficult money struggle at the shop, which by itself would be manageable. Then add to that my daughter keeps going into the hospital with gallbladder problems while she is almost ready to deliver her baby. That is stressful but also just an additional stress that isn’t that uncommon. I know that what I am allowing to almost break me is one person. A former employee that I have prayed for and prayed with, that I have tried for years to help but who has done nothing but take advantage. I know that I allowed him to take advantage financially to try to show him kindness and to show him Christ. We have loaned him a van to use for 3 months and he stole gas from our account to put in it, we tried selling him a house and made the tax and insurance payments for him and in return he charged $2000 to our account for stuff to go in the house. Then in June he stopped paying payments. This person is pure drama and has told so many lies that he honestly speaks more lies than truths. We had to go to court to get him evicted from the house and he is taking every single day that he can legally before he will move. But through all of it he continues to contact us and thinks everything should be great and we should feel grateful that he is moving at all. I have heard the lies so long that I can’t stand to talk to him anymore. Terry told him not to call me again, but to go through him. But he has continued to contact me. He called again Friday and I allowed myself to be reduced to the point of screaming at him on the phone and hanging up.
I am not able to even think about this anymore without chest pains and headaches. We are still waiting to see the condition of the house and he owes me $1300 in payments and $2000 in what he charged to me. Most of the time when someone robs you at least they don’t keep coming around acting as if everyone should be thrilled to hear from them.
I know I am not dealing with this well and I am letting it take a physical toll on me that I shouldn’t. But it is so constant, an email, a text message, or a phone call almost every day. This has been the case for months. We can’t even block the calls because he calls from different numbers all the time.
So to say I am not having much peace is an understatement. So all I could ask for this morning was peace. I came into the office and checked my devotionals on my emails. The first one was based on this verse: “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28. It is about God giving us a refreshing. From the devotional A Woman’s Walk, “He desires to help us. He will be faithful to regenerate, renew and restore our energy. And He will give us fresh revelation, vision and insight in the most creative ways, even through others.”
OK, God, I know that is for me. Thank you. And in my mind I wonder what is in the next one. I know from experience that when I am in deep need for God that He doesn’t send one answer or comfort, they come in groups. It is as if He wants to be sure that I have no doubt that it comes from Him. So I expectantly open the next devotional, Greg Laurie’s. It is called Promise… with a Prerequisite. For me it is a promise with a reminder. The text is from dear to my heart, Psalms 91. Vs. 1 “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” The whole devotional is a reminder that I can abide under the shadow of the Almighty. He will be my peace. He will be my protector and my rest. But I must dwell with Him. I must be there under His wing. To run back and forth will not protect me, I must abide in Him every moment. He will give me rest for my heart.
Then I went to my Bible reading and I thought, well, I need to do my Chronological Bible first even though I don’t really expect much in comfort from the Old Testament, especially Daniel where I am. But I will read this first and then go on with more Bible study in Romans after. More underestimating God and His hand in my life; this was the passage that was in my reading today:
Daniel 10: 12 Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. 13 But for twenty-one days the spirit prince[c] of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels,[d] came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia.[e] 14 Now I am here to explain what will happen to your people in the future, for this vision concerns a time yet to come.”
15 While he was speaking to me, I looked down at the ground, unable to say a word. 16 Then the one who looked like a man[f] touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing in front of me, “I am filled with anguish because of the vision I have seen, my lord, and I am very weak. 17 How can someone like me, your servant, talk to you, my lord? My strength is gone, and I can hardly breathe.”
18 Then the one who looked like a man touched me again, and I felt my strength returning. 19 “Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!”
As he spoke these words to me, I suddenly felt stronger and said to him, “Please speak to me, my lord, for you have strengthened me.”
Not only is there the peace that I prayed for speaking from these verses there is also the peace of seeing God sending his angels to protect His children. This was written about the Jews of course, but God deals with us in the same way. And I know that the words are God speaking directly to me, through my stress, my pain and my fears. God is telling me in this moment, vs 19, “Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!”
I stand amazed once again of God’s hand on my life. I have been feeling so guilty for letting this break me down but God doesn’t condemn me, instead He reaches out to give me comfort in the moment that I need it. I have been struggling with whether or not I have forgiven when just the sound of this man’s voice sends my stress level through the roof. God knows my heart, He knows my weakness but he wants to abide with me, He wants to comfort me even as I struggle.

Mary and Martha

NLT Luke 10: 38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a village where a woman named Martha welcomed them into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was worrying over the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” 41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are so upset over all these details! 42 There is really only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it — and I won’t take it away from her.”

NIV Luke 10: 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the LORD’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “LORD, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself ? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the LORD answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

This was the text of the pastor’s message Sunday. It struck me in some different ways than it has before. Some things the pastor pointed out and some God showed me through the message.

Martha started off right! Martha “welcomed Christ into her home,” or “opened her home to him” depending on the translation. She had all good intentions and began strong. She wanted to honor her Lord and show him love. That was what she intended as she began. She had the same intention as Mary as the day began, to show her Lord honor!
It was when she saw her sister sitting at Jesus’ feet that her resentment began to swell. Her focus quickly changed from what her intentions had been, to honor her Lord, to what someone else’s job was. It is when she took her eyes off of the goal, off of her original intention that she began to falter. She began to “worry” NLT, and became “distracted” NIV. What she said and did is what we often look at in this story, but this was the beginning point of her sin and usually my own. She took her eyes off of Jesus. She became distracted and overwhelmed with work. Martha’s focus changed to the task and how hard it was, not her purpose of honoring her Lord. What was wonderful in the planning stage then became burdensome to her in the execution.
Martha looked at things with her human spirit. “Lord, don’t you care…?” NIV or “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair…?” NLT. God has no interest in what appears fair. God works with each person where we are. It is easy to look around and see that God doesn’t try to even things out for His children. One person may suffer so much more than another person and one may see a lot more what would seem to be blessings than the other. Fairness to God is providing the amount of blessing and suffering that each person needs to be the closest to Him. He doesn’t base it on comparisons to other people.
Mary on the other hand was doing nothing… by the world’s standards. She wasn’t laboring; she wasn’t helping; she was being; what is almost a sin in itself in my family… unproductive! My parents raised me with the philosophy that if you weren’t actively working every minute, you were being lazy. You have to be doing.
So what was Mary doing? Mary was, as the pastor pointed out, humbling herself. She was sitting at the Master’s feet, at the Teacher’s feet. She was worshiping him by lowering herself before Him. She was learning from Him while He was there with her. You have to wonder, did her heart know that Jesus would not be here forever. Did she have an urgency not just to worship at the Master’s feet, but to learn what she could from Him while she had Him? This was before the Holy Spirit was in the world. This was a rare chance to be completely with Jesus, with God. We really don’t have any knowledge of what life is without God. Once Jesus saves us, we always have Him with us and in us, in the form of the Holy Spirit. We pull from Him as a resource continually. It has become second nature. Mary didn’t have that. God didn’t dwell in her, always right there with her, leading and directing. When Jesus left, she was alone. You can see why she couldn’t walk away from him even for a minute today to do tasks that would still be there tomorrow.
Mary focused on her need; a need to be with her Savior. She had a need to hear all that He would say. She knew that by being busy, running in and out of the kitchen. Preparing the meal, that she would miss the most important thing… Jesus her Savior. How many times do I miss focusing on my need for Jesus because I have so much else to do? How many times do I talk to God while doing different tasks? It is good to be prayerful and pray continually, but not instead of time spent alone at the Savior’s feet, just listening as Mary did.
Mary could have run around preparing a meal and stepping in and out of the kitchen saying, “Don’t worry Jesus, I can hear everything that you are saying. I am not ignoring you. I just have so much to do that I can’t afford to stop.” She could have said, “I am breaking these beans Jesus, while I listen to you. Keep talking, I am getting what I need to from you as I go on with my work!”
Wow! How often lately do I go on with my work while I give Jesus a bit of my attention? Kind of like saying, “God, I am listening while I work. If you come to anything really important, just yell!” God doesn’t yell. He doesn’t change His tone, He doesn’t increase His volume. It is up to us to stop and listen.

So what is God saying through all of this to my life? I know that as we have had a little more business that I have been pulled away from the amount of study time that I had before. This was something that I feared would happen. This has been a source of stress for me and I haven’t yet figured out how to deal with it. I have felt guilty because Terry is working so hard out in the shop that I am trying to work out there with him and help him as much as I can. I know that I am allowing myself to compare what someone else is doing and trying to get work done just like Martha. For a long time I have known that my place is to stay in Bible Study and in prayer for the shop and at the shop. Terry agrees with this and has supports me in it. Things became 100 times more hectic when we lost our plant manager and so much has fallen on Terry. We know that the plant manager going was right and was a direct answer to prayers, but it is still very difficult. God didn’t promise that the path would get easier with answered prayers.
Father, please forgive me for allowing anything to take me away from your feet. I have struggled, knowing that I can’t live with a limited amount of one on one time with you. Thank you Father for the message Sunday that helped me to see that I am not letting my husband down when I hold on tightly to my time with you. Father, you knew that I needed to be reminded that time with you isn’t a luxury that I can only afford when things are going well. It is a necessity that I can’t live without. You have promised me that you will fill all of my needs Father. I give you the guilt that I feel because of trying to take time to spend in your word. I give you the burden of feeling that I should be out there in the shop working beside of my husband instead of in here with you. I give you the feelings that I have that I am not doing all that I should be doing when I am sitting at your feet, studying your word. I realize now that this is something I have struggled with. I have felt that it wasn’t fair to take the time away from laboring to spend with You. God, I know now that is a Martha spirit and nature. Forgive me for this Father. Speak to me Father and show me what you want me to do. Help us Father to simplify our lives to the place where things and work don’t get in the way of time spent with You. Father I long to know you more and to know your will for me. Thank you Father for the new look that you gave me to an old Bible story. So many times I have felt like Mary, forced to be Martha. God, I know that if I allow life to force me into that place then I am not honoring you by sitting at your feet. Father, please take the shop and all of our financial problems. I want nothing to stand in the way of my time with you. I bring them to your feet Father, as I kneel there.

Lukewarm?

Chapter 4- Profile of the Lukewarm
“It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity.” It isn’t all that is in the world around the church but the church that usually turns people against God! That is a thought to dwell on for a while, and when I do I see that it is true. Hypocritical Christians are one of the main things that non-Christians point to as a reason for not accepting God. And you know when I think about it we always take that as just a condition of their heart. I have heard it said many times, “Well I would rather go to heaven with hypocrites, than to hell. That is our way of saying that the person saying that is just making excuses and doesn’t really see their condition and need. That they are using hypocritical Christians as scapegoats. I have heard that all my life; I have said it all my life, but you know, we never really accept responsibility for that. If there were no lukewarm, hypocritical Christian to give them the excuse; if we showed Jesus in all that we do and truly lived Him in front of everyone, would they see; would they want what we have if we were different? It is real easy to just brush the comments off and assume they just want an excuse. But that isn’t taking into account that we give it to them.
Matthew 34:44 is about the man who found a treasure in a field and went and sold all that he had to obtain the field. Am I giving all I have for Jesus? Am I willing to give all I am and all I have for Him? Do I have this response to God’s love?
Chan takes me through the parable of the sower… The truth is the seed. It is scattered, it falls on hard rock; it appears to take hold and grows but quickly dies because it has not root, no ground. Then it is spread on soil with thorns, it takes hold but becomes choked out with all of the thorns. (The thorns compare to the junk in our lives, money, jobs, selfishness, stuff, etc.) Then there is the seeds that are sown on good ground, it takes hold and flourishes. Chan cautions not to assume that we are the, “good ground.”
He continues that he thinks most American church goers are the thorny ground, with all of life trappings that chokes out God. Do we want God… plus other stuff? The other stuff chokes out God.
Questions to consider:
Has my relationship with God changed the way I live? I can honestly say that my relationship with God is the way I live. I could give more and love more. I need to. I feel the pull toward doing more for God. But I would not want to live outside of my relationship to God.
Do I see evidence of God’s kingdom in my life? I do feel evidence of God’s kingdom in my life on a daily basis. I know and feel it when I pray and while I wait on His answers. I don’t know how much evidence of God that is seen in my life, much of it is within and maybe more should be outside.
Am I choking it out slowly by spending too much time, money, thought and energy on the things of this world? I know that I do spend too much thought and energy on the things of the world. It is difficult to live and not put some thought into the daily life of this world. Am I willing to give up more comforts in order to serve God? Am I willing to radically change my life to serve Him more?
Am I satisfied to look Godly compared to other people? I would have said that I don’t make comparisons to others before I did the chapter yesterday. As it showed me, I do. Sometimes I think because I might compare well as a Christian to another Christian that I am ok, but what about compared to Jesus? Am I willing to give up what Jesus gave up? There is no Christian on earth worthy to compare to, so I am cheating Jesus when I look at someone else and think I am doing ok.
Can I say with Paul that I, “Want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering, becoming like Him in His death? Phil 3:10 (or is this too much Jesus for me) I don’t know that I can truly say that I want to share in His suffering. I can sing, Jesus send the rain, and I can accept the rain. But I am always longing for the good to come and bring me out of the trial. So am I willing to suffer for Him? Not willing enough, I know. My thought is always,
how much longer Father?” That is a heavy realization. I am willing to suffer for God to receive Glory, as long as it is short lived, not too bad and good comes in afterward. That is how I have approached trials I know. Forgive me Father, for not really being willing to carry the cross and suffer whatever you allow me. I know that I will suffer whatever I must, but to walk into it willingly, I don’t know. If I could find a way out, would I?
I don’t feel that I am lukewarm, but I can see that I am not exactly all the way past lukewarm either. I may be closer to God than ever, but that leaves a long, long way to go to really be willing to suffer for Him. Show me Father, the weakness in me, the wrong in me, the sin in me….Help me to compare myself to you and no one else. Do the words, halfhearted, lukewarm, and partially committed describe me, Father?
The author takes me through a long list of qualities of a lukewarm person. In some I can’t help but find myself. I could list a lot of them that I don’t have a problem with to show that I am not lukewarm. But the standard of some of the qualities I can say, no, that isn’t me, I must not be lukewarm. But as in every correction from God, He isn’t interested in me looking closer at what I do ok with; it is the places that I lack that God wants to show me. Ignoring the ones I am not lukewarm in, these are the places where I need to look at myself and see where God wants me further from the lukewarm tendencies:
Lukewarm people give money as long as it doesn’t affect their standard of living. We give, and it is difficult sometimes, but am I willing to change my life in order to give more? Am I willing to give up comforts to give more? God is asking me…
Lukewarm people are moved by stories of people who do radical things for Christ, but they do not act. Do I act? What radical things do I do for Christ? Not many.
Lukewarm people rarely share their faith with friends and co-workers. I do share, but all that I should? No I don’t.
Lukewarm people love others, but mostly people who love them back. They do not show love for people who are different, offensive or make them feel uncomfortable. Is that true of me? Yes, because how often do I go out of my way to reach out to someone that is totally unlikable. Sometimes, but not enough. Am I risking myself to love others?
Lukewarm people will serve God and others, but there are limits to how far they will go with their time, money and energy. I have to notice here that it says that lukewarm people will serve God and others, so some service doesn’t get me out of this test of lukewarmness. That is what I give, some service. So by that standard, by God’s standard I have lukewarmness in me. I have limits. God push those limits.
Am I salt and light? Am I taking up my cross? If I listed the rest of the lukewarm descriptions I could compare myself to that and feel better about it. I am not lukewarm compared to many of them. But God isn’t trying to show me where I am ok; He wants me to work on the areas that I am lukewarm, that I am failing Him. He wants to change me radically.
God help me to take up my cross and follow you. Help me to be willing to lay aside my comforts, my lifestyle and to give more to those around me. Father I want to live a life that is totally sold out to you in every moment. I don’t want to have to make a list of the lukewarm qualities within myself. These I want to turn over to You and ask You to change me. I want to live outside of my comfort zone for You God. Show me what You want from me Lord.

Chapter 3 Crazy Love- God’s Love

The video asks, ”Do I always pray to God as a child on His Father’s lap?” Do I really dwell on the love that He has for me and relate to Him that way? I do, but I am hoping to find that even deeper through this next chapter.
Chan’s experience with his own father was one of fear more than one of love. So he related to His Heavenly Father in much the same way. He responded more to the fear than the love. Maybe that is why I have never had a problem seeing God as love and God as my Father. My earthly father is such a good man and a loving man that I don’t have a problem relating God to him. Especially as he has gotten older and his emotions have become deeper and softer than when we were growing up. We do now and always did know that we were loved.
Do I always think when I am praying that God loves me even more than I love my own child? Or do I take if for granted? I say it, but do I take the time to dwell on it. Not always I don’t. Many times I go through my prayer list and talk to God without a real thought for His love for me in that moment. No matter what your child ever does it can never change your love for them. But God is capable of so much more that we are. If I can love my child and I am a selfish earthly person, how much more can God love me? It is more that I can even wrap my head around I know.
I know that when I went though a period of extreme pain in my life, I learned so much more about God’s love. I know that I have contributed that to my needing God more and leaning on Him more. But even in that thought I still think it is about me. God’s love became more real to me at that time because seeing my need, he poured out more of it on me. He gave me more, He opened my eyes more, and He gave me more wisdom to understand Him and His love. It isn’t about me, again it was all about Him.
God wants us. God wants me! That is incredible. He knew me before I was even conceived. He knew me. He chose me. No matter how I displease Him, He loves me. I can understand not losing love because a person hurts you, but the depths of His love I know that I really don’t comprehend. He sent His own Son to die. I am not good enough, I can do good works all my life and it cannot make me even closer to being good enough. I don’t have any good in me outside of Jesus. But He still chooses me.
One quote from the book that really hits is, “The irony is that while God doesn’t need us, but still wants us, we desperately need God, but don’t really want Him most of the time. He treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him- and we wonder, indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by.
What is the greatest good on earth? He asks this question and I try to consider it before I look for his answer. My mind might have taken it a little different but basically to the same place. Chan’s answer is God. God is the greatest good that could ever be. My thought was more toward acts than that, and went to the great commission. The act of sharing Jesus is the greatest act of love that we can show to anyone, anywhere and anytime. We can do all kinds of service for someone, give them everything we can humanly get our hands on and not share Jesus and we have hated that person. No matter how much we thought we showed love, giving Jesus is the most we can do and the best we can do.
How much do I understand God’s love for me? How much do I love God? I know that it is a growing thing in my life. I lived many years doing the right thing and praying, but not really living in the shadow of His wings. As I have gone through more losses in my life and even before that I have felt God drawing me to Him. It is a feeling that can not be explained. There is an ever-increasing pulling of my heart to be with God all day long. His love for me is constant I know, but my love for Him is growing daily. But, I know that aside from His love, I have no capacity to love, so even in that ever growing love that I have for Him, it isn’t anything that I am doing. It is Him, it is His story still. As my love increases it is His love in me doing the work. Wow again.
You know, we see someone that shows a huge love for Christ, we think so much of that person. It isn’t about them either, even in that, the awe should go to God. It is always God in us; not us! His love, His grace and His Story. But oh how I sometimes think it is about me!

May Not Finish? Crazy Love book

Chapter 2- Crazy Love
James asks, “What is your life…It is but a vapor.” Simple thought, but very much examines who I am. My life is but a moment here on earth. What do I do with my small frame of time that I am here? How much of it is invested and how much is waste. When we think of money, we spend a percentage of what we have on the “must” things in life; we spend a percentage on things that will last; and the rest is pretty much waste. How much of my life do I invest in the kingdom which will last, how much in the “must” things and how much do I just waste. If I truly see that my life is a vapor, wouldn’t I increase the amount that I invest hugely? Do I truly realize how short my life is and think about how I am investing it? Sometimes a lot… sometimes very little.
The title of this chapter is talking about something that we really don’t think about very much. We could die any moment. We could not finish the chapter we are reading. We assume, we plan we take each day as if the next is certain. But if I really understand and take in what James is saying, I am not even promised tomorrow. I am not promised the rest of today! So if God does give me the rest of today and tomorrow even, rather than take if for granted, how can I invest? I could just waste it, but rather I should invest it. The book doesn’t talk about it, but I am studying James right now. It is about works and doing good, for the sake of the kingdom. The time and energy I put into helping someone, praying for someone or giving in some way in the name of the Lord, is invested. It is stored up and not wasted. I want my life to be saved! Not in the sense that I not die, that isn’t as important; but in the sense that a large and growing portion of my time and my energy needs to be sent on ahead of me. What I do for me, fills the moment and then is lost in the vapor that my life is, what is done for others especially sharing Christ in some way is stored up, is useful, is not waste.
The section on worry hits home. I am not a big worrier at least compared to some. (Which I know comparing to other people is the best way to think of things…or not) I don’t have the general just worrying that something bad might be coming and I do pretty good at laying my concerns at the cross. But when I am completely overwhelmed with the bad things in business, and in life I can allow myself to get lost in worry and am not able to lay it at the cross. I eventually do, but not until after a lot of stress, tears and pain. But then just as the author mentions I think, “Well, I am doing pretty well anyway because these are really bad problems. They are not the average things that other people deal with. (Comparing again) God wouldn’t expect me to be able to just let this go, He knows what I go through. As Chan points out, thinking like that is me assuming that God doesn’t really mean what He says. He tells me to “rejoice in the Lord always!” Wow, God do you really not expect me to worry at all? I eventually give it up to you? Is even the worry that I have for a few days as I am praying to let go wrong? Well, if I believe Him it is! So rather than praying and praying and crying and then finally letting the worry go, and then feeling good that I have, I am sinning. So many times when I only carry it a day or two and then let go I think I am doing so well; and I am compared to some. (Comparing again… and not to Jesus)When I do lay it down and stop worrying, I know that I feel like I have done well and done well for God. But in reality I am just coming to the end of a period of sin and should be confessing. Wow! That hits home. That is time of God’s I have wasted, and trust that I have held back from him. Time spent worrying is time spent in sin. I know that in the broader sense but have I really realized it in the day or two that I spend worrying sometimes. No, not to the extent that I realize that I have grieved my Heavenly Father in my repeated sin! There is no worry justified.
Chan says that stress is us saying that the things we are involved in are more important than following God. Stress says that MY life is important enough to merit my impatience; to merit my disobedience!
Worry and stress reek of arrogance. Ouch! Our problems compared with God’s strength are tiny! But oh how I think they are huge and so important! It is about Him. His world, His show!
The next section is about living our life knowing that it could be the end. He talks about a man that stood up and spoke at a funeral. His last statement was to the effect of, you never know when God is going to end your life, are you ready? Do you know Jesus? Then he sat down beside his wife and died. That seems a drastic story but we don’t know. Most people who die don’t expect it to be right then. The questions that brings is- am I ready? Oh yes, I am saved and ready to meet Jesus, I have no doubt of that. But, have I done all that I need to do? Have I told everyone that I need to tell about Him? Will I go with Jesus on my lips? God puts people in our lives that it is our responsibility to share Jesus with. We may be the only one? Am I willing to let that person go to hell because I was too wrapped up in my life to live God’s life here?
Chan says funerals are always nice. Many times we sit and listen to people have to gloss over and change the truth to make the person sound better than they were. Everyone knows it, but no one would say anything bad about the dead. Hmmm. I’m writing my eulogy now. Do I want it to be a bunch of stretched out facts? And more important than that, is what about when I step into heaven and meet Jesus? Will I bring Him all that I could have? Or will He say, “Come on in…you sure packed light?”

Crazy Love book…

Finishing chapter 1, Crazy Love book:
Have I ever really realized that the world, the universe was made by God and for God? FOR God… I am not sure I fully considered that before at least not in the depths that this book is showing me. God made it all, and us as well for Him. So when we sit and ask God why this and why that. How could you let this happen God? How can you love me and still make me go through these things. We have no right to question. As Chan puts it, when we get our own universe then we can run it the way we want to! I love that. It sounds simple, but it is really true. We get so wrapped up in our life, our job, our body, our families that how often do we really stop to ponder that it is all here not just by God but FOR God? Chan even says, when we ask God, “Why is there people starving all over the world.” His answer to us is or may be, “You tell me, why are there people starving all over the world?” It is His world, for Him. We are here to care for it and what is on it. Are we? Interesting thought huh?
The end of the first chapter leads us into the Throne Room of God as seen by John and Isaiah. A glory which we cannot visualize, given to us in words that were not enough to really explain it. The glory of God and those that are continually praising Him cannot be described by our earthly words. There are just no words that can be used. John makes comparisons, to emerald, jasper, crystals and the flashes of light; not because these words could ever explain or help us truly to visualize a Holy place, but because those were the words they had to choose from. After such a vision to be reduced to trying to explain it in human terms must have been frustrating to say the least. It would be more difficult than explaining love to someone who has no understanding of it.
The vastness of God; the Holiness of God; the majesty of God; these are the things this first chapter leaves you meditating. As well as realizing the smallness of our selves and our human minds in comparison. He is the IAM and I am less than a grain of sand. But He loves me with a love that I can not really imagine, and mostly cannot comprehend why. He loves me because He chooses to. He desires time with me because that was the purpose for which He created me. My life isn’t about me and what I can do or will do. It is about my relationship to God in every way, in every moment and beyond what I can grasp. Wow! To be loved and chosen by the Great I AM because of who He is, not who I am!

The Battle is Won, but Still Must Be Fought

God gave the Israelites the Promised Land. Most of the time in my own mind, I see them, after their 40 years of wandering in the desert just kicking back and taking it easy. It is this perfect land flowing with milk and honey, right? After all, isn’t that the point of it all, for them to now have an easy life? Isn’t that what God is all about, making things easy for us because we are His?
What I forget or easily overlook is that in order to take the land they were promised, the Israelites had to do battle after battle. That is all they did; battle for every allotment of land. Through the Israelites God defeated many kings and kingdoms. They were given a foreign land and had to battle their way through it. The outcome was assured. They knew that what God gave them was worth the battles.
The Israelites never had the idea that God was sending them to an easy, carefree life. My view of them lying back on lounge chairs, sipping drinks from their wine skins while they took life easy isn’t Biblical. God didn’t give them, nor did they expect an easy life.
We are heirs to all that God has promised. In that, we will always be doing battle for the Lord, and battles are always hard and messy. Life as a Christian in this foreign land will always be a battle. It is a battle against Satan who is prince of this world. We are in his territory, so how do we get it into our heads that it could ever be easy? Jesus came and was killed for being the Son of God. Why do we think we are going to have things easy if we are following Him? His gift of eternal life is completely free, but if we live for Him, it puts us square on the front lines.
Just as God gave the Promised Land to the Israelites and the battles were sure, the outcome of our battles are assured. As citizen’s of heaven, our battles are Spiritual and are already won, but we still must be on the front lines until Jesus comes back. Christ arose, the battle is won, but God didn’t plan for us to kick back and take it easy in the assurance that we have. He has made a way for us to be a part of bringing people to Him through His Son Jesus Christ. In order to do that, we have to fold up our own lawn chairs, and go out and fight the battles in the territory He has allotted for each of us.

More From Crazy Love Book

Continuing on in the Crazy Love book today. The author give an analogy that I like. It is of a soda can and God as the ocean. We can see and hold the soda can full of water, we can comprehend that. That size thinking is within our ability; it is within our grasp. But comparatively we can’t reduce the ocean to that scope. We can’t hold a few drops of the ocean in that can and say and think that we have the ocean. We can’t hold God: we can’t comprehend the vastness of God. Our human understanding of Him on the highest level we are able to think is so far from possessing knowledge of who God is.
Thinking that all the “don’t do’s and the do’s” are our path to God is thinking that we are in control of our life and our eternity. Sometimes I think people see their life as a scale that works backward. God is on one side and he is at the highest point. We are on the other side at the lowest point. On our side, the plate is sitting on the ground. How many times in a non Christian’s eyes and even sometimes a Christian’s view do we think that all the good things that we do add on our side and the bad things take away. God is still up there, now we go to church 3 times a week, add that; we give money to the poor, another little bit; we don’t curse, keep adding. And in that way we think we will reach the place where God is. But if you take the best person in the world that follows the rules perfectly and gives and helps and spends their life in service; you will have a very full plate on their side. It will be loaded down with good works and great things. I can see the person completely covered over by all the good. But, the scale hasn’t moved. It is piled up, but it still sits on the ground. Remember our scale is backward, so good added on should have taken us up to at least close to God. Shouldn’t it? If that person that has done so much and hasn’t reached that level, what hope do we have? We know all of our faults, we know the things we do and don’t do. So it is hopeless right!? Yes it is; on our own! The only thing that can make that scale move off of the flat ground is Jesus stepping onto the scale with us! We have to allow Him in, to invite Him into our lives. When we do, then the scale automatically rises to a level that is beside of God. We had no means to reach this point, no matter how good we were. But Jesus alone took us to God’s. There was no hope in us alone, no way to reach God. As long as we stand alone on that scale we will sit at the bottom and struggle alone. That is an absolutely awesome thing!

A Speck of Sand

I am reading an incredible book; Crazy Love- Overwhelmed by a Relentless God, by Francis Chan. Most of my blog post for the next few weeks will be from my journal that I am writing as I read this book.

I sometimes look up at the sky and let the beauty of the clouds and the blue of the sky make me think of the vastness of God. That is so shortsighted. It isn’t even a tiny representation of God, it is just as far as my eye can see, and my mind can think. God is so far beyond all that I can ever even consider. We are not even a grain of sand on the beach that is God. We are not even a dust particle in our world. But our small minds can’t think beyond that. GOD IS! He is beyond our capacity to think and wonder. It is why He simply said, I Am that I Am!
The God whose outlook is beyond our galaxy, beyond all galaxies, took the time to make the stripes on a tiger different in each one. God made the caterpillar with 228 muscles in his head. He made each person different from the other.
And that same God, takes the time to speak to me; one who is less than a grain of sand on the beach to Him. Yet, he loves me. He sees me. He desires time with me. Not a time that will try to bring Him to my level, but a time that will bring me closer to His level and a view of Him. Wow, just doesn’t say it! Awe just doesn’t express it!
What does His Holiness, His attributes mean for a world that doesn’t care about Him? As humans if someone slights us in the least we get hurt, we get angry, and we sometimes think of ourselves as less. God doesn’t have that problem. He can not think Himself less, because He is nothing but more; more than we can comprehend, more than we can reach, and more than we deserve.
So many times we think we are doing ok and living well because we haven’t done any of the “don’t do’s” listed in the Bible. What we are missing then is that if that was all there was to it, we might as well be back in the Old Testament, without Jesus. He came to bring us the relationship that is the Christian life. The life Jesus brings us to is a life of freedom, not a life of restrictions. Seeing the Christian life as only the list of things we aren’t to do is similar to seeing a marriage as a list of restrictions and not seeing it for the gifts and the beauty in the relationship. My life with my husband is a wonderful journey with my best friend, the one that I love most in the world. It is the freedom to spend my time with him and share my life with him in every way that God intended. Wow! What a gift from God. My relationship with God is the same through Jesus Christ. I have someone who loves me more than anyone on earth could ever love me. I have someone who wants only my good and never wants to give me anything that isn’t right or good for me. I have the freedom to spend time with this God who is the same one who created this world and all that is in it. What beauty, what love, what freedom. Just as there are things I would not do that would harm my marriage, there are things I will not do that will harm my relationship with God and my walk with Him. It isn’t so much a list of things that I am not to do, as it is a way of living that will bring me into the fullness of the relationship with Him. Wow! That is amazing. He invites me to commune with Him; He wants to spend time with me; that tiny speck of sand!

Give Me a Fresh Outlook Father

Numbers 11
4 Then the foreign rabble who were traveling with the Israelites began to crave the good things of Egypt. And the people of Israel also began to complain. “Oh, for some meat!” they exclaimed. 5 “We remember the fish we used to eat for free in Egypt. And we had all the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic we wanted. 6 But now our appetites are gone. All we ever see is this manna!”

This is so like me! We read this and can’t imagine how the Israelites could be so short-sighted. How could they complain we think, when God is sending them food through a miracle every single day. Look at verse 5; We remember the fish we used to eat for FREE in Egypt. Free? They were prisoners! But how quickly their outlook changed once God brought them out of Egypt. I am so like this sometimes. I see God bring me through so much almost every day, but the moment things get more difficult I get so overwhelmed that I forget all that God has done just the week before. I am short-sighted too, much like the Israelites. It is almost like we as Christians are saying, “But what have you given me today, Lord?”
I know it isn’t that simple. And I am so grateful for all that God does in my life every day. But how is it possible that I can still get discouraged? How can I still go through fear? Daily in our business we see miracles that get us from one day to the next and from one bill to the next. But when a problems comes from a customer or from some other directions, I quickly look up and think, “How do I get through this one God?”
It is so much more about our perception that about the reality of the situation. The old saying, “The grass is always greener…” is true. No matter where the Israelites stood, the past was better. Not because it was better, but because the present was hard.
Our human mind wants to escape from trouble, from trials. The past or the future is so many times what we reach for, instead of finding the joy in the moment in which we stand. I have one thing going for me, my past has been so difficult that I don’t reach back for the past. But how many times when life gets hard, do I long for things to get easier and simpler in the future? Too many times I know. God wants me to learn and grow in the present that he allows for me. If it is hard, just stand still and pray my way through it. If it is easy, as some days are, just accept it as a gift and know that another trial may soon be on its way. But if God allows it to come into my life, then He will use it for His glory and for my good! I have that assurance!
God forgive me when I am like the Israelites and look to another place and time as better than the moment you allow for me. Help me to remain grateful for the trials and to find joy in each and every moment of my life.
God sometime things can seem so difficult, but when I look around life is much worse for someone else. Help me never to swim in self-pity and to always look around to see the suffering that so many are going through and look for ways to help them. Help me to remember, it is all about You, not me! Father, I have no control of the trials that you allow to come my way, but God, I have full control of my outlook and my attitude in each of them.

Ouch! Careful What You Ask…

Ouch! Minutes after I wrote a prayer yesterday about my weight, God began revealing more to me about myself and my weight struggle. Maybe more than I wanted to see. I have been reading the book When Life Is Hard, by James McDonald, a wonderful book about trials. I opened it to the book mark, that for some reason was about 8-10 pages back from where I actually ended last time. Something said, start here again, so I went ahead and reread those pages, looking especially at the parts I had highlighted days before. When I marked these passages it was in relation to the business and financial trial that I am going through. But, God seemed to say, “You asked Me yesterday to open your eyes in your weight issue, here it is. You marked it yourself almost a week ago.”

Dragging On the Tail of a Groundhog

My nephew Alex is so funny. A month or so ago, right after church at Mom’s. He was excited that his pastor had preached that morning. Pastor Todd has been having major depression problems and his wife has had back surgery and now has kidney cancer. It was just great that he was able to preach a sermon because he hasn’t been for a long time. He isn’t ready for regular preaching yet, but he is getting better. We were talking about the depression and how God would use that in the church and in Pastor Todd’s life. He had preached on Job which is one of my favorite books.
Our service had also been really good that morning and we were just talking about how God works. I made the comment that with our business being like it has been for so long, that when people drive by and see that there are 2 or 3 cars there when there used to be 20 and when we don’t have money to pay bills, that just looking at what is there, no one would know that we are soaring on wings like eagles. He said, “Yeah, I know, it looks more like dragging along on the tail of a groundhog from the outside!” Alex has always been funny. But it is really true.
I have lost more and more financially for the past 6 years. Then after I got remarried 2 1/2 years ago, with Terry’s salary we had a bit more but then the shop got in worse shape. Then we kept praying for God to help us to find a way for Terry to come off of the road. In our mind we were looking for a way for him to be at home and still make the same or close to the same amount of money. Well, that wasn’t God’s plan. A point in time came that God said, ok, come off the road. Stay home. So after a lot of praying to be sure, we made the decision knowing that it was God’s will for him to quit his job and help me at the shop even though we couldn’t take a check. OK God. That wasn’t what we thought was going to be the plan, but you said jump so we did.
If we looked at our circumstances alone to make decisions or to confirm decisions we would not have made the change. And we would definantly think we were on the wrong track. Since he has come off the road, all we have faced are problems. Our business has gone from bad to worse. We usually don’t have enough busines to last a two week stretch before we have to be off and that is with 2-3 employees instead of 15-20. Machines have torn up, buildings have fell down. It has been crazy. It has been extremely stressful, the money has been dried up for a long time and we are barely making it week to week, and the bills are getting behind further all the time.
But somehow, through it all, God is blessing us so much. We have seen our bank accounts empty several times, with bills that had to be paid that day or we would be closed down so many times. I have cried, I have prayed, we have both prayed and so many times just walked away and said, I don’t understand God. I can’t pay this, God. There is no money due to come in, and no earthly hope. But, God. It is yours. This place is yours, we are yours. If you want them paid, we need a miracle othewise we will follow you if you are shutting us down. Let your will be done Father. And then we lock the door and walk away. So many times, we have seen God bring in money that was not due to come in. One company that chose to not pay me about $1500 a couple of years before and claimed that the frames were messed up. It was one of those times that I felt like fighting for it, but God just said let it go. So I stopped working for the company, and I walked away, losing that money when we really needed it. Well, over a year later, when I had no money coming in to pay a bill, that man that owned that company called me. He said he would like for us to do some frames for them and he would like to talk to me. I said ok I’ll talk to you and he set up an appointment. He came to the shop. We sat in the office and the man asked me to just let what he hadn’t paid go and build frame for him. I told him that that wasn’t right, that I needed the work but that I wouldn’t build frames unless he paid that money. He then said what if he paid half and I gave by half and then would I build them. I sat silent for a few minutes, and I prayed. Then I said, no, I won’t build frames for you if you pay half. I told him that I had already accepted the loss over a year before. The money was gone as far as I was concerned. I told him that he could walk out the door then and I would not pursue the money, but if he wanted me to build frames and do business with him there had to be a level of trust. I told him that if he paid back the $1500 that he owed me that I would then build frames for him. We had a long conversation about integrity, trust, and Christian principles in business. He said he would think about it, and less than a week later, I got the check for the balance in the mail. I was very worried about doing further business because I don’t trust this man but I would do what I said I would do. Funny thing is that he never ordered another frame. In his mind, he was only paying this money so that he could get frames from me that he couldn’t get somewhere else or for the same price. But, God’s purpose was to give me that money at the time that it came. I have seen things like this over and over.
It seems the less we have and the worse it gets, the more we soar inside. That is God once again carrying us on wings like eagles.

Remaining Under

God, what are you teaching me. I will stay where you put me. I don’t understand all that is happening to me and around me. I confess I want to run from it. But God you tell me to stay. I will stay.
You say when we are in a trial, we are to remain under that trial. I will remain, even if it gets harder I will remain. Father forgive me for emotionally falling apart everytime the trial deepens rather than turning right to you with my fear.
God I am asking though, what are you doing with this in my life to make me better? What are the character issues you are dealing with Father? There have been many times over the past 6 years that I have not handled things as I should. I have given in and given up for a while at times. I have let the situation I am under make me angry at times over the years God. I have made mistakes and when I could have lived You out in front of other people and shown who You are, I have failed.
Father I know there have been times that I have allowed the burden of the shop to shift from You to me. I have carried it when I didn’t have to. As you stood by begging, waiting for me to give you the whole burden to carry, I have drug it along. Father please forgive me for each and every time I have went wrong in my business and my life and made mistakes that could only have hurt my witness for you. Please forgive me Father and help me to learn what you want me to learn from what you have given me.
God I have prayed so many times for you to remove this burden from me if it is your will. I am willing to do your will no matter what Father. If Your will is for me to continue to “remain under” give me joy in the remaining Father.
God I am tired, I am broken, but I am Yours. I am here to be used by You. I have no strength of my own. I am asking for Your strength to sustain me. Carry me where I am too weak to go Father. You have a path laid out for me. I don’t know what it is, I don’t need to know. I am walking as you show me the steps Father. Forgive me for so many time getting overwhelmed by attacks from people. I need to remember that I have nothing to fear from people. I have you. God give me the tenacity to stand even when standing seems pointless. Help me to stand because you are telling me to God. Please use this in my life in any way that You choose Father. Make me more like You God. I know how far I am from being like You Father, but it is my one desire God; to know you more.
God help me to remember that this world and the people in it are no threat to me. You are there between me and them. You will allow to come to me what you choose to allow for my eventual good. Forgive me for the fear that I have had and help protect me from the fear that Satan tries to put into me. Help me remember what I read today in James MacDonald’s book; Satan is the one sending general or vague condemnations. If a correction is from You, God, it will be specific and for a purpose. You allow nothing in my life that You do not intend to use God.
Thank you for the joy that you give me in the midst of the trial. Help me Father if the trial goes deeper not to forget for even a moment, who is in control!
Henry Blackaby wrote, “Fear causes us to stop and question what God has clearly told us to do. Perhaps we were confident in our obedience until persecution came; now we doubt whether we heard God correctly. Most fear is fear of the unknown. We do not know what lies ahead of us, so we become apprehensive. Our imaginations can magnify problems until they seem insurmountable. We need a sound mind to see things in proper perspective. That is why God gave us His Holy Spirit, to enable us to see things as God sees them.
Fear is no excuse to disobey God. There is no reason to live in fear when you have the mighty presence of the Holy Spirit within you. Fear will enslave you, but Christ has come to set you free. Ask God to free you from any fear you are experiencing and to open your eyes. As He reveals the reality of your situation, He will enable you to continue in obedience.”
Forgive me for allowing fear to make me question where you are leading Father. I am here, I am remaining under the trial you have allowed. Give me strength, give me wisdom and give me whatever I am lacking to endure and grow from this trial God. I will once again and continue to, “Praise You in this storm!” Amen