He Speaks Peace

Driving to work this morning I was praying for peace….simple peace. I couldn’t put into words a longer prayer because my mind and heart were so uneasy.
So much has been happening at once that I am feeling completely overwhelmed. It is the always difficult money struggle at the shop, which by itself would be manageable. Then add to that my daughter keeps going into the hospital with gallbladder problems while she is almost ready to deliver her baby. That is stressful but also just an additional stress that isn’t that uncommon. I know that what I am allowing to almost break me is one person. A former employee that I have prayed for and prayed with, that I have tried for years to help but who has done nothing but take advantage. I know that I allowed him to take advantage financially to try to show him kindness and to show him Christ. We have loaned him a van to use for 3 months and he stole gas from our account to put in it, we tried selling him a house and made the tax and insurance payments for him and in return he charged $2000 to our account for stuff to go in the house. Then in June he stopped paying payments. This person is pure drama and has told so many lies that he honestly speaks more lies than truths. We had to go to court to get him evicted from the house and he is taking every single day that he can legally before he will move. But through all of it he continues to contact us and thinks everything should be great and we should feel grateful that he is moving at all. I have heard the lies so long that I can’t stand to talk to him anymore. Terry told him not to call me again, but to go through him. But he has continued to contact me. He called again Friday and I allowed myself to be reduced to the point of screaming at him on the phone and hanging up.
I am not able to even think about this anymore without chest pains and headaches. We are still waiting to see the condition of the house and he owes me $1300 in payments and $2000 in what he charged to me. Most of the time when someone robs you at least they don’t keep coming around acting as if everyone should be thrilled to hear from them.
I know I am not dealing with this well and I am letting it take a physical toll on me that I shouldn’t. But it is so constant, an email, a text message, or a phone call almost every day. This has been the case for months. We can’t even block the calls because he calls from different numbers all the time.
So to say I am not having much peace is an understatement. So all I could ask for this morning was peace. I came into the office and checked my devotionals on my emails. The first one was based on this verse: “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28. It is about God giving us a refreshing. From the devotional A Woman’s Walk, “He desires to help us. He will be faithful to regenerate, renew and restore our energy. And He will give us fresh revelation, vision and insight in the most creative ways, even through others.”
OK, God, I know that is for me. Thank you. And in my mind I wonder what is in the next one. I know from experience that when I am in deep need for God that He doesn’t send one answer or comfort, they come in groups. It is as if He wants to be sure that I have no doubt that it comes from Him. So I expectantly open the next devotional, Greg Laurie’s. It is called Promise… with a Prerequisite. For me it is a promise with a reminder. The text is from dear to my heart, Psalms 91. Vs. 1 “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” The whole devotional is a reminder that I can abide under the shadow of the Almighty. He will be my peace. He will be my protector and my rest. But I must dwell with Him. I must be there under His wing. To run back and forth will not protect me, I must abide in Him every moment. He will give me rest for my heart.
Then I went to my Bible reading and I thought, well, I need to do my Chronological Bible first even though I don’t really expect much in comfort from the Old Testament, especially Daniel where I am. But I will read this first and then go on with more Bible study in Romans after. More underestimating God and His hand in my life; this was the passage that was in my reading today:
Daniel 10: 12 Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. 13 But for twenty-one days the spirit prince[c] of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels,[d] came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia.[e] 14 Now I am here to explain what will happen to your people in the future, for this vision concerns a time yet to come.”
15 While he was speaking to me, I looked down at the ground, unable to say a word. 16 Then the one who looked like a man[f] touched my lips, and I opened my mouth and began to speak. I said to the one standing in front of me, “I am filled with anguish because of the vision I have seen, my lord, and I am very weak. 17 How can someone like me, your servant, talk to you, my lord? My strength is gone, and I can hardly breathe.”
18 Then the one who looked like a man touched me again, and I felt my strength returning. 19 “Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!”
As he spoke these words to me, I suddenly felt stronger and said to him, “Please speak to me, my lord, for you have strengthened me.”
Not only is there the peace that I prayed for speaking from these verses there is also the peace of seeing God sending his angels to protect His children. This was written about the Jews of course, but God deals with us in the same way. And I know that the words are God speaking directly to me, through my stress, my pain and my fears. God is telling me in this moment, vs 19, “Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!”
I stand amazed once again of God’s hand on my life. I have been feeling so guilty for letting this break me down but God doesn’t condemn me, instead He reaches out to give me comfort in the moment that I need it. I have been struggling with whether or not I have forgiven when just the sound of this man’s voice sends my stress level through the roof. God knows my heart, He knows my weakness but he wants to abide with me, He wants to comfort me even as I struggle.

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